I had half an eye on the catastrophe unfolding in the Grampians, terrifying images flash across the screen. Rampant flames swallow grasslands, trees and houses, insistent red and blue emergency lights wink furiously. Yellow Hi-Viz bedecked men and women hold hoses, hopeful, but powerless against this de-bottled genie.
The Bureau predict the maelstrom; dry summer bush, high temperatures, cyclonic wind speeds and probable lightning. A perfect coalition. It arrives. I reflect on my recent fishing trip to the Grampians’ Lake Bellfield.
My mind refocuses back on the crossword. “Oh, of course,” I exclaim, waking old Barak, snoozing below the table. He stands, barks uncertainly and drops a malodorous fart. ‘Significant Australian summer event.’ 8 letters ‘Bushfire’, why didn’t I think of it before? It’s going to fit with both 7 and 12 down, too. I use the puzzle to blot out the TV and its coverage of the conflagration.
Janet and I have agreed sunset is our deadline; forty-five minutes left and I note that she is going gangbusters. Her pen slashes across the page in furious endeavour.
Concentrate. 3 down ‘Traditional evil expulsion’ – 6 letters. Jesus. Oops, No I don’t mean him – only five letters anyway! Traditions. Could it be an Indigenous evil? Kaditja? Nah, that doesn’t fit. Ummm, I’ll come back to it.
OK, 8 across. 6 letters ‘A bad omen, Caesar.’ Janet wanders into the kitchen. I hear the jug being filled. “Do you want a cuppa?” How can she afford the break – only 35 minutes left? “Yep, thanks.”
“How are you doing? What about that bloody clue for 3 down!” I stretch things a bit and I hunker down further on the couch. I cross my fingers and legs, moving the newspaper closer to my chest, away from potentially prying eyes. “Yer, how sneaky is that!”
I can feel beads of sweat on my upper lip. Time is of the essence. I realise I shouldn’t cross my legs: or is it my fingers? Which one brings bad luck? One of them is lucky, and provides immunity when telling a porky. I can’t remember, but anyway, it’s just an old wives’ tale. Maintain focus!
The ‘Traditional evil expulsion’ remains unresolved. My phone sits beside me on the couch. Nah that’d be cheating.
Am I spelling ‘expulsion’ correctly? I take a peek at Danword’s crossword solutions. ‘Evil expulsion’, a sneeze is traditionally thought to be evil leaving the body. Sneeze. That’s a bloody stretch. That’s worth a letter to the editor. I insert it.
8 across. ‘Nighttime cosmology.’ I have blank, blank, T, blank, blank, R. Is this another Aboriginal spiritual reference? The night skies were certainly always on their agenda. Comet, Star, hang on, of course, Meteor.
I am almost there – 3 minutes left on the clock! Will Janet guess I cheated?
Her pen slams down onto the kitchen table. Wack. “I’m done” she yells, a look of absolute glee writ across her dial. Barak is rudely awake again, stands and another deadly fart fills the room!